Wednesday, July 19, 2006


The winding road through the grounds of an old Victorian psychiatric hospital held little insight into the horrors behind the locked windows and doors.

Hill End adolescent unit, St Albans, Hertfordshire, was a specialist social services run project for kids who had reached the end of the road as for as the system was concerned. I was placed there because I was constantly on the run and full of rage after being sexually abused. The first day I went there I was accompanied by the police. I had been on the run for a while and after being found it was decided that I couldn’t return to the place I had run from. It was the seventeenth time in two years that I had been moved and this was to remain my home for the next 6 months or so.
The H shaped building had a large open planned room on the ground floor and separate sleeping quarters on the upper floor divided by a staff room to keep the boys and girls apart. This area doubled up as a therapy room. Although if you can call sitting there ignoring everyone in the room therapy.

Reception period was where everyone gathered in the downstairs room and introductions were made. I arrived on the same day as a slightly built black guy. He had been in Shenley hospital under a section and was so full of drugs he could hardly sit straight on the chair. He ignored the questions being asked because he was doped up to the eyeballs, I did because I couldn’t be bothered. We were both dragged off and sedated for breaking the rules. I guess it was the next day when I came to and again was forced to sit through this kangaroo court until I answered the questions.

My mouth was dry and my legs and arms felt heavy. I remember being offered the chance to ingest the sedative, after refusing I was forcefully injected. The bruise lasted for more than a week and even after I had fully recovered from the drugs I still could feel the pain of the needle.

I was 12 years old.
Over the next 6 months I had again started running off and found more and more innovative ways of avoiding being caught. I began to run back to my abuser as I had nowhere else to go. This is the most difficult part I had to deal with, why when I knew what was happening and knew that it was wrong did I keep returning? The booze, drugs and solvents seemed to work and when I was returned to unit the money and gifts I had been given proved to be enough to buy off the bullies for a while. But no sooner had the sedatives worn off and the goodies been distributed I was off again. The merry-go-round of my childhood continued.

Throughout my life I have been full of fear of the system and it took a long time to begin to relate to anyone who could help me deal with my issues. It was only after going to prison and breaking down so much that I took a massive overdose that things changed for me. Before that I had hurt many people and destroyed most things in my life. The fallout from my childhood has impacted on other people in my life and I want to say now that I am truly sorry. I never intentionally did this and because I could never explain what was going on inside me most people never understood. And when I wasn’t damaging relationships I was self harming. Looking back it must have been hard on those around me to come to terms with this and I don’t blame them for not sticking around.


  • Strong stuff. Looking forward to reading more. I wonder what happened to that Black guy who came in with you? And did they manage to keep the two sides apart all the time - the male and female sides of the H?

    By Blogger Voice from the Village, at Friday, 21 July, 2006  

  • Do you not see how grand is our aim here?
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    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 29 December, 2006  

  • Couldn't agree more with you. The best thing that I ever heard was that the place had been closed down. The three months I spent there will remain with me forever.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, 06 March, 2008  

  • i too spent 3 months in this hell hole .....something that will stay with me forever....for us most were there because it was a case of out of sight out of mind...because social services were unable to do there job correctly!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 14 March, 2008  

  • I am the son of a night nurse who got fired from the 'unit'. It was a wonder I didn't end up on the streets given her warped personality. if you want to chat.

    Be strong.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Saturday, 29 November, 2008  

  • I was a member of staff who worked at Hill End Adolscent Unit from 1988 until it transformed into what is now Forest House at Harperbury Hospital in Radlett.
    Several of you obvious experienced being admitted there as negative. The unit was an NHS establishment run by highly professional doctors, nurses, social workers and teachers.
    But you are right that this unit bailed out herts social services from having it's own secure unit with serious locks and keys.
    Given the trail of destruction you left behind you, how else were people around you meant to cope?
    Having a difficult childhood and being abused is dreadful, disturbing and painful. Unfortunately it was the only kind of help society had to keep you under control.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 17 December, 2008  

  • Those batsartds who worked at hill end are going to pay for what they did in Karma! The fact is the establishment didn't work and should of been closed down along time before that .
    You say proffesionals were working there buy my experience was totally different the place was full of unproffesionals.Sedating was a daily operation and the fact that the kids were treated like that was(however out of control) wrong due to inadequate supportt from the social services.
    However troubled the youth there were the fact is the director P Bruggan was a trigger happy(injector) and didn't seem to care at all about therapy rather he used to feel obliged to sedate you if you did not comply.Luckily my strong spirit helped me to play the game and get out and Iv'e been through the system without to many scars.Shame on you for protecting a horrid institution like that!

    By Blogger anonymous, at Friday, 06 March, 2009  

  • I was here too and i echo the abuse and dangerous environment that went on here, I too am a strong person but I have to say of all the places I was put this is the one I still have nightmares about, I remember only one "decent" nurse who worked there who left not far into it, the rest I truly hope Karma comes around, no one deserves the abuse inflicted on the children in that place. And as for the anonymous staff member who posted in December, Shame on you for even daring to place blame on our feelings and negate the long journey many of us have taken to recover, 2 of my friends could not re cover and god bless them. As said on here, I vouch that they used sedation for compliance rather than medication, there are people who attended the day school who could also vouch for this despite the many attempts to prevent them from witnessing it. They sedated me before an interview with a theraputic community, the director there knew the reputation and was clear that he needed to "rescue" me from the evil within that building. Hillend was not the only place for children with painful histories, it was the easy option for lazy people who could not and would not insert the funds to ensure proper care. Regulations have changed and the amount of incidents that occur are far lesser, but there is no doubt in my mind that there remains instituations like this that continue to use these systems to continue the abus eof children and play to thier own power games. My heart is with the children who are going thorugh this. To all of you that were there I am so proud of you all for making your life and moving forward.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 28 June, 2009  

  • Whoever worked ther, How dare you say it was the only kind of help society had to keep you us control!This is big brother talking, why do we need to be controlled! I never left a trail of destruction, still to this day do not have a criminal record. I was dumped by mum and dad along with my sister and separated cruelly at age 9 from her and then to top it all, was fostered and social services allowed my mother and father to have a say over whether I could be adopted. All I wanted was a family! Not to be doped up by you lot!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 01 December, 2009  

  • I would like to find others who were drugged so we can claim compensatio against these controlling freaks! Children aged 13 should NOT be drugged! or Imprisoned for not committing a crime. How about we set up a group to claim compensation!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 01 December, 2009  

  • I would like to find others who were drugged so we can claim compensatio against these controlling freaks! Children aged 13 should NOT be drugged! or Imprisoned for not committing a crime. How about we set up a group to claim compensation!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 01 December, 2009  

  • Stan,
    What was the drug to sedate us called, I was in at the same time as you.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 01 December, 2009  

  • i was in this hellhole in 1985 i was constantly being sedated it tasted horrible i was never injected i always drank the sedation-i remember one member of staff saying i would become an "old lag and end up in prison
    i was only 11 yrs old
    i'm a civil servant now and have never been in trouble with the police-whenever i hear the song sledgehammer by peter gabriel i think of hill end as it was in the charts at the time
    proper scary place.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, 04 March, 2010  

  • I was here around 1993, weird place, I just kept my head down until it was time to leave. Saw some horrible things going on that I could scarcely believe. The staff were all as weird as each other.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 19 May, 2010  

  • I agree with all the comments from the ex kids of this hell hole. I have never been so disgusted in all my life that young kids were put into this dump. Mr Brugger was an evil man, not once did I ever have any kind of therapy there or help for any issues I had. All he ever done was sedate kids, if someone can do that to a young child then there is something seriously wrong with him, he was a vile sick individual. I got sedated once for kicking a door but boy did I put up a fight, the woman member of staff got an iron in her face really it should of been brugger but they were all as bad as each other, Once I woke up from my sedation I done a runner and never went back. I did see Brugger once in the wimpey with some kids and I gave him hell to which he threatened to sedate me, bare in mind I was no longer in that place and we were in the middle of stevenage. I remember one black boy that farted at the dinner table for this he sedated him as he done it in his direction. Social services should be ashamed of themselves for putting kids into a place like that. Even now at my age of 43 I would love to come across him if his still alive and sedate him in all the places it hurts. If anyone wants to chat to me that were there also please feel free to email me

    By Blogger lissylady67, at Tuesday, 10 August, 2010  

  • Also the twat who apparently worked there that left a comment, says the kids left . What bull not once whilst I was there did anyoone do anything that bad to warrant sedation. Makes you wonder why they have been looking on this site in the first instance. Must still be a very sick person. Let hope you done have kids, if you have do you ever sesdate them if they do something wrong. Anyone that does that to a child, to hold them down and inject them, has got severe mental perverted tendencies to even consider taking a job like that, cause I know I couldnt even contemplate on taking a position knowing the things you have to do to kids as young as 9 years old, you have to be very sick in deed.

    By Blogger lissylady67, at Tuesday, 10 August, 2010  

  • I was sectioned at Hill End Adolescent Unit for 3 months in the summer of 1995 after taking a massive overdose. I was only 13 years old and the whole environment was totally controlling . I was sedated for not eating or raising my voice in a lunch time community meeting.

    The sedation and seclusion room was overly abused at the unit and that was in 1995! I witnessed a few patients being sedated over a silly childish arguments or refusing to participate in a game of sport ( after been sedated the night before)

    The medication they used for sedation (liquid) was 200mg of choloralhydrate and 300mg chlorpromazine .
    I always use to ask for the injection option - As the liquid would dope you up for days and cause nasty side effects such a "wooden tongue". I am not sure for the IM route ..

    How dare that member of staff come on here and defend her colleagues. From my appalling treatment at Hill End - I decided to become a Mental Health Nurse and have been qualified 7 years working 5 years on a busy acute unit and two years as CPN.

    There was some very bad practices going on from the staff and that was even in 1995 ( The children act was still in place) The seclusion room and sedation policies at the unit were over abused. The kids on that ward were not unwell, a lot of social issues minor offending basically victims of society. When you did have unwell patients . The staff were not equipt to deal with and end up sending them to a private psychiatric kids unit like Huntercombe or Priory ( nicer and more professional unit)
    I thought the unit at the time Ian Mason was a nazi and personally feel he should not be practicing as a nurse . He used sedation as a form discipline .. Just very suprised none of the younger doctors questioned all this over sedation who came through the unit.

    When I was there - To my believe there a boy who got sent there because he admitted to his family he was GAY! He was 14 and that kid got sedated daily and good on him - He ran off and never cam back.

    1995 was the worst year of my life after taking a massive overdose and my family not giving a shite about me. I thought Hill End would help . After 3 months leaving there nothing had change , luckily teachers at my school provided me the support I needed after all I was only 13!

    Would love to keep in contact with any patients who were at Hill End Adolescent Unit in 1995.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 29 August, 2010  

  • please email your comments to

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 03 September, 2010  

  • For 33 years my mind has been badly affected by my 3 month stay at Hillend adolescent unit where i was regularly sedated and beaten there.I was sent there in the summer of 1977 when i was 15 years old, i dont even really know the grounds for my being there except my family said i had a bad attitude! Ive rarely come across a 15 year old lad without an attitude yet.My reason for leaving this comment is as follows;As every one has clearly stated sedation was the norm for the most trivial of matters, always preceeded by a meeting where the immortal words"we are anxious and concerned about you Paul"...followed by them all jumping on you and holding you in a headlock and prising your mouth open whilst squeezing your nose so as to prevent you from breathing and bingo! your mouth opens and i goes that sedative.Of all my bad memories the one that has bothered me the most is of a Chinese or Japanese nurse/torturer that used to work the night shift at this time(1977) we would all be in bed asleep and very often sedated when he would call a "meeting" and get us sat around in that room between the two dorms,obviously to stay awake when sedated is about impossible.This was dealt with by means of a little known home office approved technique called a "karate chop" to the neck and chest area and when i was kindly helped to my feet from the floor he would help me/us to get a semblance of balance before administering a karate kick to the stomach/chest area.These were regular occurances on his watch, it may just be that he forgot his duty of care to the mentally unwell children in his charge,or maybe it was our faults for making them anxious.I do not recall his name but if anyone can assist me with this, his place of work/home address i should be most grateful as i need to have a chat with him. Thanks Paul

    By Anonymous lewsey25, at Monday, 18 October, 2010  

  • Can you please leave your comments on facebook, Name: Hill End Adolescent Unit I have started a group so people know about sedation at this awful place. We can also contact each other and Stan as well as we would like to make a TV documentary about this.

    By Blogger Patricia, at Tuesday, 10 May, 2011  

  • it seems as though this is all getting too big for this blog. and i feel that a new one needs to be started. so if you can email me your details, preferably with just the year that you lived there that would be great.

    no information you pass on to me will go anywhere. i feel that if enough people are involved in this then at the very least we can get an investigation into current systems that may have this going on.

    ps. i am the original author of this piece.

    also if you worked there, feel free to have your say, but dont hide behind the lies that you have been told to say, come out with the truth, you may not have been responsible for the abuse that went on, and with your help you can make sure that it doesnt happen again.

    if however you were responsible.. remember.. the truth will out and there is no statute of limitations in regards to patients with what is classified as mental illness.. so you will be brought to justice.


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 08 June, 2011  

  • I was there around 1991 can't remember exactly the song queen bohemian rhapsody turns my stomach iv got loads soany memories coming back lately it was very distressing having no rights agains your own body sedation etc I think we should claim compensation I went through some horrible things but that place just stays with me it was awful,scary,lonely and invasion of our child privacy anyone want to contact me do so on Would like to talk to people who understand x

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, 16 June, 2011  

  • Yes! We should deffo make a claim as I was there in 1995, sedation was used on me for just standing up in a community meeting .. Again ... Many of the patients who were sedated were not sectioned , under the mental health , hard core medication was still pushed on us kids .. So there is a case to be argue and claimed in courts. my email is - If anyone is serious about pursuing law suit against the unit ..

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Saturday, 18 June, 2011  

  • Again .. I could always remember the silly words the staff use to say like " we getting anxious" , you are being "provocative" etc etc. The manager back then was IAN MASOn and he was evil bastard .. I remember the time the nurse sedated me .. Just for standing up in a community meeting her name was mrs/ms wagstaffe

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Saturday, 18 June, 2011  

  • hi, this is lewsey 25 again, i have not had any replies regarding the Chinese/Japanese nightworker from 1977 at hillend adolescent unit, will be very gratefull for any info, as the years are marching on

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 24 February, 2012  

  • Glad i found you lot! crazy times in 93 social services told my adoptive parents who i love dearly and sorry for causing them hell. To put me in there because i started running away, drinking and taking drugs at 12 when i found out my biological mother was dead. i will never forget but was asleep half the time so only really remember meetings being called for stupid things like us whispering or swearing.Had no idea it had gone on for so many years and what did we really do to be treated like that??? I went off the rails because of my issues with my adoption and finding out my birth mother was dead. I wasn't mad, issues yes but social services thought it would easier for them to get me locked away and put me to sleep. sorry went on a bit! wasn't expecting to find this site x

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 18 May, 2012  

  • After reading this I know it sounds daft but I am moved to write a letter to the Guardian or another newspaper. I will never forget the negative, horrific experiences I had there for the rest of my life, (I am 50 now) - I wasn't really mad, just had a teenage episode that lasted a couple of days. I will never understand why my parents put me through it. There wasn't any counselling or help really going on just sedation and bullying. Anyway, I don't want to go on about it, I have never read anything about it anywhere, so maybe it has been brushed under the carpet. I had forgotten about it, it is a bit of an old wound.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 23 May, 2012  

  • I was there in 1975, nasty place. I made a friend called Andrew. Seeing this has made me wonder what happened to him. We lost touch, he wrote me a very nice letter when I went home.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Saturday, 26 May, 2012  

  • i was in the unit for 2 and a half weeks when i was 13 in oct/nov 82
    it was awful there i got sedated when i argued with a patient mandy who said i couldnt have my radio they made me drink this awful drink which sent me to sleep
    next day mr teale a teacher forced my head under the water when we went swimming whilst i was still sedated one night miss sullivan forced me to have a bath when i couldnt use it all staff were bad bar mr irwin miss hall and mr woolwich paitents i remember mandy mary david shadbolt georgina hamm

    By Blogger angie mctigue, at Friday, 22 June, 2012  

  • email me

    By Blogger angie mctigue, at Friday, 22 June, 2012  

  • I was at Hill End adolescent unit(concentration camp) in 1985. My only crime in life was that I was used and abused by my parents and I had witnessed someone burn to death and people murdered in front of me. I went into the care of social services at 11 and because I felt constantly threatened at the institutions I was put in I fought these people physically on a daily basis. i am talking about 6-7 grown men putting me in the stress position with a knee in my back where I would find it hard to breathe. So to cut a long story short I was put into Hill End. I was tricked into going there, I was told it was a new school and a fresh start but my nightmare had only just begun. My first minute and a half in the building I was fighting with evil doctors who pushed me to the ground and held me there and pulled my trousers down, I thought I was going to be raped. I heard lets get the liquid cosh and was sedated.This was the first of many times.
    The meetings in circles were there to intimidate and abuse all, to stunt the growth of delicate young minds. My story , I thought my story was a one off but it is not. I have recently obtained material from social services, in my records it is it was like Hill End did not exist. This will be difficult to say but social services have not shown one ounce of compassions, no sorry, no compensation for a life that they completely ruined.
    I have been in some of the hardest prisons in this country, I am not proud of it but thats the way it is. Yes, I did have altercations with the screws and a beating to me was easy to take but I was NEVER treated a bad as I was in Hill End. PLease remember I was with the worst of the worst, and when I was often in solitary confinement I would always think of Hill End. I have never stopped thinking of Hill End. Not a days goes by when my heart doesn't break because I had dreams and aspirations of being a productive person in society.
    I became institutionalised and very, very angry. To all the survivors of Hill End please contact me as I would love to hear from anyone who was there 1970-1995. Lets get justice for every abused person. Help me to help you. Anyone who worked in Hill End in my eyes was sadistic and totally evil.
    My number is 07984 856614. Please, please no time wasters and give me respect for giving out my number. I hope that someone will call, together we can get this brought out of the darkness and into the light.
    I love you all and I hope that life has treated you better than me. Yours sincerely Steven Guthrie.

    **I am also speaking to staff at Hill End. The person who defended that absolutely horrendous place hang your head in shame. Any member of staff who has the balls call me please do.

    By Anonymous STEVEN GUTHRIE, at Thursday, 02 August, 2012  

  • I have never been in prison or anything. However, I also think the experience I had at fifteen years in old in the HH adolescent unit has cast a shadow over my life. It didn't give me any skills to deal with adulthood or help me at all, just left me very messed up with post traumatic stress.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 07 August, 2012  

  • Hi, Steven here again. Just reminding you that you can text or call me on 07984 856614. I do not always have a chance to get to a computer so I happy to talk over the phone. I look forward to hearing from you all SOON.

    By Anonymous Steven Guthrie, at Thursday, 09 August, 2012  

  • I was in there for about 3 months. I was sadated for hitting the ping pong ball too hard. I was told I was agresive, I wasn't I just wanted to win. I hated the circle time and people calling meetings questioning my every move. I'm 43 now and there are very few days that I don't have nightmares about that place.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, 04 October, 2012  

  • I wondered if anyone had ever gained access to their medical records to understand why they were admitted to the Unit? I have always wondered if this was possible.

    By Anonymous helent, at Wednesday, 17 October, 2012  

  • I was in hill end around Easter 1987, I was 13 and was sent here by social services for problems at home. This was an easy place for them to send kids and yet the memories have never left me. The meetings in a circle because they were anxious the constant being watched was not normal. I will never forget that experience and to this day will never forget it.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 17 October, 2012  

  • Oh god, i have kept these memories buried for 25 years. Most of the time i was so out of it after being sedated i wondered if i had dreamt it all

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 22 October, 2012  

  • I was abused by drugs I am now in my 40s and have lupus could the drugs be responsible for this

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 28 October, 2012  

  • Hi - who knows I have stomach problems (not as serious as lupus) and other health issues and have wondered the same.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 29 October, 2012  

  • would love to move forward in getting answers from hillend/social services. I was in hillend late 70s early 80s. My time in there has had an affect on my life, would love to chat to other people

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, 01 November, 2012  

  • Heather tries to email you but email kept bouncing back.please contact

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 04 November, 2012  

  • Heather I sent email did you receive

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 07 November, 2012  

  • This is very hard to start writing about, I am a 48 year old woman and the experience I had at Hill End Adolescent unit still effects me to this day.
    I remember the first day I arrived there, with my father and social worker, I felt uneasy and for some reason very scared .When my father left I tried to go after him but a man was blocking the door I tried the window it only opened a couple of inches it was at this point I realised I was being locked up, I started to panic as I was scared – I was sedated. As a grown woman I now know that these so called professionals were abusing me.
    My time spent at Hill end is hazy probably due to being drugged.
    I remember circle time it was humiliating and degrading, they once called a meeting to tell me my Nan had died and that my Mother does not want me to attend the funeral, as with anyone that has lost a loved one I reacted, this got me sedated. I could write a book. I am now in the process of getting my file from social services; I am also now going to be seeking legal advice due to the treatment received in this establishment
    I would also like to respond to the member of staff that commented on the 17th Dec 2008. If you were highly trained professionals how was it that NON OF YOU never dealt with the root causes of our problems, you the ‘professionals’ created emotional issues that were to follow me for the rest of my life.
    If you are looking to seek answers please email me

    By Anonymous Jacqui, at Thursday, 08 November, 2012  

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    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 14 November, 2012  

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    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 18 December, 2012  

  • I am so angry reading theses comments I was taken to hill end by social services they told me I was visiting a new school they just dumped me there I was 12 yrs old I was there in 92/93 I was a bad behaved child and kept running away from children's home my first day hear I started to cry as I was frightened I was dragged to a room that looked like a prison cell and told to drink this liquid I refused so I was put into a headlock I tried to fight back bad move I had my head smashed into the wall then as I fell to the ground I was jumped my trousers pulled down and a needle put into my backside there was staff standing around gently kicking me and laughing at me I was asleep within about 45 mins this happened most days I was there for about 3 months I will never forget I saw a child sedated and when he was falling asleep they were carrying him to bed he collapsed his heart stopped I saw the nurses in front of all of us given him CPR and using some sort of heart machine his heart started again within about 3 mins they then just carried him to bed I wonder if this was ever recorded by them I bet not I think most days about wot this place has done to me I'm 30 now and hate my life I tried to kill myself when I was 20 and have felt depressed ever since I left that place I don't take anti depresents as I'm not having anyone mess with my head again I have a family my partner is not interested about my past I find myself just waiting to get old and die I carnt wait to die I will never try suicide again but my life was over when I was abused by this place I work 70 hours a week so I can set my mind on other things I'm so glad I found this web site it's given me the kick to take action against wot happened I have spoken to a solicitor today who is going to call me back this week has anyone else taken advice from a solicitor people need bring to justice for destroying my life and all our lives I hate you hill end and I hope some of you staff read this and see wot u have done to me I hate u so much bastards

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 18 December, 2012  

  • Hey guys time we all got together now and put our stories to the media hill end and there vile staff have got away with there abuse for long enough now. Anyone that needs to talk e mail me first

    By Anonymous Lisa, at Tuesday, 18 December, 2012  

  • Another interesting point is to find out is where the files are archived that has all the reports on every child placed there

    By Anonymous Lisa, at Tuesday, 18 December, 2012  

  • Hi Lisa, they only keep records for 20 years, not going back to the 70s. Within 20 years you can apply to get them online. I've asked my doctor for records as they keep those for ever. I've emailed you if you want to get in touch. Heather

    By Blogger headyhop, at Thursday, 20 December, 2012  

  • Hi heather how do I get my records on line thanx

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, 20 December, 2012  

  • Hi - This is the address I started at. Give them a call and they should be able to give you the address for the Hillend records. I would like advice on contacting a solicitor. Can anyone help?

    By Blogger trojanhorsegirl, at Friday, 21 December, 2012  

  • I am also wanting to contact a solicitor aswel I think we all need to use the same company ill make some inquies with a no win no fee solicitor after Xmas and ill post something on hear when I found out we need action for what them bastards put us all through

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 21 December, 2012  

  • I was a patient at Hill End Hospital in 1995, that was the year it got closed and got transferred to Harperbury Hospital renamed "Forest House Adolescent unit".. Is there a facebook page for ex kids who detained at Hill End adolescent unit where we can all communicate more progressively? Forest House (modern hill end adolescent unit) has a facebook page.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 31 December, 2012  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 31 December, 2012  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 31 December, 2012  

  • If you want to have access to your records.. Under the Data Protection Act 1998, you ARE entitled to access to any of your so called "clinical" records or any other personal information held about you!!! Dont accept any rubbish! Hertfordshire Partnership NHS Trust has all of Hill End Adolescent Unit Records in storage or Archives. Dont also forget Hill End adolescent unit renamed Forest House is still in operation today - Some of the ex sadistic unprofessional staff who working at Hill end back in 1995 still work there today!
    Details below:
    Records and Access to Information Team
    Herts Partnership NHS TRUST
    99 Waverley Road
    St Albans
    AL3 5TL
    Tel: 01727 804707

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 31 December, 2012  

  • If you want to have access to your records.. Under the Data Protection Act 1998, you ARE entitled to access to any of your so called "clinical" records or any other personal information held about you!!! Dont accept any rubbish! Hertfordshire Partnership NHS Trust has all of Hill End Adolescent Unit Records in storage or Archives. Dont also forget Hill End adolescent unit renamed Forest House is still in operation today - Some of the ex sadistic unprofessional staff who working at Hill end back in 1995 still work there today!
    Details below:
    Records and Access to Information Team
    Herts Partnership NHS TRUST
    99 Waverley Road
    St Albans
    AL3 5TL
    Tel: 01727 804707

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 31 December, 2012  

  • This is one of the sick twisted nurses who worked at Hill End back when i was a patient in 1995 due to me taking a overdose at the age of 13!
    Http:// (He was one of the senior nurses on duty)

    Hill End Hospital "social club" has a facebook page boasting some of the sick treatment they conflicted patients in there care , especially us kids back in the days!

    A lot of the ex patients talk about a abusive disgusting unproressional doctor called Dr Peter Bruggen - He was not there when I was not there! It was nurses that use to over abuse the sedation of chlorpromazine and chloral hydrate. I could remember the whole unit got sedated one afternoon as there staff shortages. The unit manager back then was called Ian mason he was evil .. Anyways .. This ex rogue doctor now writes for a online news site called huffington post.

    He profile is below :

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 31 December, 2012  

  • This is one of the sick twisted nurses(Rik Lambert) who worked at Hill End back when i was a patient in 1995 due to me taking a overdose at the age of 13 as I was having a difficult time with my family.

    (He was one of the senior nurses on duty)

    Hill End Hospital "social club" has a facebook page boasting some of the sick treatment they conflicted patients in there care , especially us kids back in the days!

    A lot of the ex patients talk about a abusive disgusting unproressional doctor called Dr Peter Bruggen - He was not there when I was at HH Adolescent Unit. It was the nurses that over abuse the sedation of chlorpromazine and chloral hydrate. I could remember the whole unit got sedated one afternoon as there were staff shortages. The unit manager back then was called Ian mason he was evil person .. Anyways .. This ex rogue doctor now writes for a online news site called huffington post.

    He profile is below :

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 31 December, 2012  

  • Hi - if staff are still working there this sends a shiver. In the 70s there was a nurse who was a bastard. For example he picked me up by the hair when I didn't respond because i was drugged up on drugs they didn't need to give me. He had ginger/blond hair and a beard and then would have been in his early 20s.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 01 January, 2013  

  • Great find, anon. I remember Lambert well, and the guy in charge could have been Bruggan, hard to tell from his pic. I was there for 4 weeks in 1993 and witnessed some appalling abuse from the staff.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 07 January, 2013  

    Peter Carter the CEO of the RCN, worked there in the 1970s.
    Strangely enough, he wrote a phd on why nurses abuse patients in their case.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 11 January, 2013  

  • Here's the LinkedIn page of Trevor Emdon - Manager at Hill End Adolescent Unit from 1983 - 1993

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 20 January, 2013  

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    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 12 February, 2013  

  • I knew a femail night nurse who worked at the unit from 1973. Before she worked there she was a SEN in the general Hill End hospital that surrounds the Adolescent Unit where sedating patients was absolutely normal. This was the background she came from and probably that of other nurses there. Not surprised this was a method of social control.

    However, the unit staff higher up including Peter Bruggen did have higher aims to help you. One problem they had was that you didn't talk to them (not surprised!) about your problems. The nurse I knew had to keep a log of what happened on night duty. You kids used to talk to her (in confidence I suppose) and all this material was written up and then seized upon in the frequent meetings to try to understand your problems better. So the theory was to indeed "help you" but what you saw was the nurses on the ground over medicating as a form of control. I wasn't there so can't say too much more.

    Remember that there was a mix of teachers, social workers, doctors and nurses. These different groups were not intrinsically bad it's just that they could achieve little more than containment. I grant you that there could easily have been the odd sadistic nurse but can't comment further. I'm sorry for your sadness and anger. If only we could choose our parents. Life isn't fair.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 13 February, 2013  

  • I think it is difficult for people to understand how the sort of treatment given to young people there felt. I can't remember anyone who I felt I could confide in. Once I remember I was asked to pick up dirty sanitary towels from the floor because someone had emptied one of the bins and the nurse blamed me. (He was probably too scared to blame the real culprit). I also know I was given chloromprozne when I wasn't schitsophrenic and suffered the drugs' side effects, nothing was explained. I have never taken drugs of been out of control in my life and I am middle aged now. I go to work, pay my taxes, study, look after my home. Yet my stay there destroyed my education, self confidence, self belief and everything.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, 14 February, 2013  


    This was a report on the adolescent unit around 1990. Part of me thinks people should be made aware, as maybe some poor kids might still be suffering the same treatment that children such as myself did in the 70s, 80s and 90s.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 03 May, 2013  

  • I was in Hill End TWICE in 82-83 my name is Laurie Allen, the mind games played in there were no joke I was sedated and woke up to find a male member of staff kissing was torture for kids..anyone who wants to talk :

    By Blogger Unknown, at Sunday, 07 July, 2013  

  • the staff i remember from the unit in 82 are mrs pyke mr teale miss sullivan mr blisset mr rose mr donovan mr balmbra mr cook miss bleasdale mr irwin miss hall mr woolwich only miss hall mr irwin and mr woolwich knew how to be nice to me

    By Blogger angie mctigue, at Wednesday, 10 July, 2013  

  • when i got sedated in the unit in 82 mr blisset was one of the staff who sedated me

    By Blogger angie mctigue, at Wednesday, 10 July, 2013  

  • Please see this blog

    By Blogger Unknown, at Thursday, 11 July, 2013  

  • I will be using needleblog for all my updates regarding contacting BBC PANORAMA, please contact me there or

    By Blogger Unknown, at Thursday, 11 July, 2013  

  • Does anyone remember Ian Mason who was the Unit Manager and he tics or muscle spasms around his face?

    I was at the Hill End in 1995 before it got shut , moved and renamed to "Forest House" which is still in operation today.

    Another sick doctor who use over prescribe sedation on patients who were not under the mental health act .


    Could people also remember the wicked evil teacher mrs brilliant and mr ingham (today is the head of the forest house unit school)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 12 July, 2013  

  • The police, panorama or the authorities should be investigating these nurses and staff who sexually and physically abused kids in their care at Hill END from the 80 to the 90's
    Mr Jones -
    Mr Jordan - ttps://
    Miss Clayton -
    Ms Audini (a very wicked woman ) would over sedate patients -
    Mr Emdon (unit manager in early 90S) -
    Mr Campbell -
    Mr Lambert 0
    MS Flowerdew -

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 12 July, 2013  

  • it happened in the 70s too.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Saturday, 13 July, 2013  

  • Hello,

    I am someone who is in no way connected with Hill End Adolescent Unit, but I have essentially stumbled on to this blog by accident after finding a link from another blog.

    Can I just say that I have spent the past hour reading all of your comments and I am absolutely heartbroken and disgusted at the abuse you have had to go through.

    As someone who had a very normal childhood with loving parents, I am so shocked to see what some children had to go through - and this was going on up until the 1990s!

    Please, please, please can I urge you as strongly as I possibly can to go to the police and to the national media and get them to investigate this?

    Some of you have used terms like 'neglectful' and 'evil', but the correct word to describe these acts is CRIMINAL.

    Perhaps most sickeningly of all, some of the characters who committed or presided over the abuse and the endless sedations have now got high-powered careers (one with the Huffington Post if you please!). These people need to be brought to justice if they really have done wrong.

    You should really try and contact each other and take this to the police. People who treat children like this need to be punished for what they have done. Do not let them get away with it.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 28 July, 2013  

  • lol.......many times it was the police who brought kids to that unit......

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 29 July, 2013  

  • IF ANYONE IS STILL READING THIS BLOG, CAN YOU GET IN TOUCH WITH ME. I am the author and would like to make contact with other people who went to this place,

    please email your contact details to

    thank you

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 09 August, 2013  

  • Whoever logs onto this site and reads this blog might be interested in this website Bill Maloney, the author of the site, is trying to expose institutional child abuse... using powerful drugs on young people as a form of social control is surely one example of this?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, 26 December, 2013  

  • Oh my goodness, mr Ingham was there that long?! I was a patient at FH from May 2013 to August 2013. Reading all this sends shivers down my spine. It sounds like it was terrible but it's still a horrible place, run by a sadistic woman who sectioned me for no reason

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 19 January, 2014  

  • Author of this site, I was wondering if I could contact you. I went to this unit only recently, and though it sounds like it was despicable in the past, still isn't much better. And I would also like to know what staff were there when it sounded horrible. The thought of people 'looking after me' were also the people being so horrible to all of you really troubles me.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 19 January, 2014  

  • To the person who was at Forest House very recently my suggestion is to have a look at the needleblog where there is more information concerning HIllend

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 20 January, 2014  

  • I was13yrs old when I was locked up in hill end adolescent unit, physically abused and sedated regularly , I was there 1984/1985,anyone there that year can get in touch with me for a chat

    By Anonymous Craig, at Friday, 24 January, 2014  

  • Email

    By Anonymous, at Friday, 24 January, 2014  

  • Has anyone managed to get there medical files on hill end adolescent unit , I was sedated uncountable times , and by law it is supposed to be all logged down and what was used ! I was 13 yrs old in there 1984 ,

    By Blogger Unknown, at Tuesday, 28 January, 2014  

  • Yeah.....I got my Hill End files in December......I was there in 1990 and 1991.....the drug sheets are in there - the drugs they forced on us were Chlorpromazine, Chloralhydrate and Procyclidine.
    You can probably get yours too - just contact the Hertfordshire Partnership NHS Foundation Trust.......they told me it took so long for them to give me my records(3 months), because they've been inundated with records requests - probably ex-Hill Enders!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Saturday, 01 February, 2014  

    This is about chloral hydrate - dangerous and irresponsible drug to use on young children

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • I was a staff nurse at the unit from 1990 to 1995 until it transferred over to Forest House. The medication was prescribed at a low dosage and only used in emergency situations such as violent outbursts. Majority of the patients at Hill End adolesecent were severely disturbed or very unwell. How else could the staff team cope with violence and aggression polluting the calm therapeutic environment of the unit?

    By Anonymous Hill End Nurse, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • Save it staff nurse - your lies and excuses are BS.
    I myself was 'double dosed' two times - its in my records.
    Emergency situations? - you mean like when I got drugged for turning the volume up on the radio or refusing to do a chore - is this what you call a violent outburst??
    Whatever our problems were - you and your colleagues made them much worse - so thx for nothing.
    The calm thereputic environment of the unit??? must be having a laugh.......more like the sick, twisted and evil hell hole we all know it was.....
    And if you're so proud of what you did there, why don't you identify yourself?.....hhmmm
    Shame on you!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • I am assuming anon you are still contact with psychiatric services? Guess you were suffering from bipolar or manic depression and becoming a management problem on the ward by turning up the volume of the stereo in a manic state - Hence the reason you were sedated ? The unit was a therapeutic environment but majority of the service users were disturbed . Unwell or victims of society. I really hope you are getting psychiatric help for all these wild allegations you are making against HEAU.

    By Anonymous Hill End Nurse, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • Way to go Hill End nurse!! Someone who is sticking up for the staff who previously worked at the unit and provided professional mental health nursing to all it patients.
    If you want to speak further contact me via FB .
    Rik Lambert

    By Anonymous Rik Lambert, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • Way to go Hill End nurse!! Someone who is sticking up for the staff who previously worked at the unit and provided professional mental health nursing to all it patients.
    If you want to speak further contact me via FB .
    Rik Lambert

    By Anonymous Rik Lambert, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • Nope - wrong on all counts Hill End see, ever since I left your disgusting establishment, I've avoided doctors and health 'professionals' like the plague - although I know that not all of them are as rotten and unprofessional as you and your colleagues.....
    Wild allegations???.....well you know you've got a problem when this many people are saying the same can twist it any way you like, pretend we're all mad... but the truth will out....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • Majority of the ex service users on this site are very bitter and scapegoating their traumatic live on a professional psychiatric that attempted to help young people to rebuild their lives. Anon - I think you need psychiatric intervention you really can not distinguish what is reality and delusions ! HEAU have many success stories. Guess ex service users moaning on this site are the minority who out of work, severely deluded or running away from the system!

    By Anonymous Hill End Nurse, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • rotten and twisted nurse Rik Lambert has finally got the balls to step up and say something on this blog.......after 8 years!......

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • I totally agree with you HIll End Nurse the minority of the ex service users on this site are deluded , highly dangerous , out of touch with reality and their own traumatic lives. In other words scapegoating . The whole thing is getting out of hand and is complete SLANDER against HEAU staff and overall the NHS! Majority of HEAU ex service users are living healthy fulfilling lives and have never been in contact with mental health services .

    By Anonymous Rik Lambert, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • Once again HIll End nurse . Contact me via FB if you want to speak about this whole slanderous affair!

    By Anonymous Rik Lambert, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • well I've got to tell you Hill End nurse - you didn't help anybody rebuild their lives - in fact you destroyed alot of your life's work has been for nought - you are a failure!
    Where are your HEAU success stories? Why don't you post some of them online? Because I have never seen any ex-resident say anything positive about you and your unit.....
    and lol @ you trying to psychiatricaly diagnose us with your BS after all these years

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • Maybe you should spare a thought for the people who've killed themselves or become drug addicts because of what you b*stards did to us.....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • Due to confidentiality and data protection we would never disclose ex HEAU service users success stories, especially to dangerous unhinged sites like this and the needleblog. @Anon seriously need to access mental health service must be horrible feeling deluded on a daily basis.

    By Anonymous Hill End Nurse, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • Again @anon scapegoating , blame culture. You can not blame HEAU for ex service users substance misuse issues or sucide. Majority of the patient who were admitted were traumatised , suicidal or ,mentally unwell.

    By Anonymous Hill End Nurse, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • As I thought - you're full of sh**...
    Dangerous and unhinged?.....because people dare to tell the truth of what happened to them?......because we're not kids any more, and you can't bully and drug us into submission?.....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • Well if they were traumatised, suicidal or mentally unwell you certainly tipped them over the edge by abusing them some more didn't you?.....
    But what gets me is how proud you are of what you've done after all these shame, just pride....
    Some ex-residents would like to physically harm you, but from my point of view - you and your friends just aint worth the effort.....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • I was there in 1984 , I was 13 yrs old , I was sedated high doses regularly , a lot of the time for no reason,they would bring me down for the daily meeting the Day I woke , but often I was still very drowsy slurring my words and couldnt keep my head up straight so they would say I'm not co operating , the staff would then jump me pull Down my underwear and inject me again , that is child abuse and any one who thinks different needs there head testing I would love to meet any staff that was at the adolescent unit in 1984 , it won't be pleasant !!!

    By Blogger Unknown, at Sunday, 02 February, 2014  

  • Hill End nurse Stacy Clayton LinkedIn profile:

    really hacks me off how these f**kers have been rewarded for their abuse....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 05 February, 2014  

  • Sounds like one of you is actually normal , (staff) x ,

    By Blogger Unknown, at Thursday, 06 February, 2014  

  • I remember you Craig Webb . You was admitted to the unit suffering with psychosis. You was a very violent and dangerous individual . You accounts on being sedated and humiliated is far from fantasy and delusions . Keep taking your anti psychotic medication and stop blaming HEAU for your mental illness.

    By Anonymous Hill End Nurse, at Saturday, 08 February, 2014  

  • Hill End Nurse : I'm begining to wonder if you are who your saying you are ? You staying anonymous won't reveal who you are in an earlier comment you wouldn't disclose some of the success stories that " HEAU " helped but now your spouting information for all to see on Craig Webb, what happened to data protection. If you are a true qualified nurse I think now is the time for you to be investigated by your disgusting comments you write breach of data protection, if you are still a nurse as your title states I think any patients in your care need to be protected from someone as dysfunctional as yourself. Why do you feel the need to look at this sight in the first instance ? Could something be worrying you by any chance. But hey hey ho it won't be hard to find out who you are. We all await your next vile breach if misconduct.

    By Anonymous Lisa, at Saturday, 08 February, 2014  

  • If someone was as violent and dangerous as you spout would they not of been put in a secure unit / young offenders. Staff nurse your the only one that lives in a fantasy world lol. Watch this space darling as all will be revealed looking forward to your naming day thanks to my IT team.

    By Anonymous Lisa, at Saturday, 08 February, 2014  

  • You anonymous prick have the balls to meet me and reveal your name , I'm a man now , you can only bully kids and physically abuse and sedate them meet me now and I'll treat you how you treated me when I was 13 , your a (WANKER)

    By Blogger Unknown, at Saturday, 08 February, 2014  

  • Twisted nurse Elaine Audini's LinkeIn profile:

    notice how this b**ch has removed her picture from all social networking sites since people started talking about Hill End.

    LinkedIn profile of Dr. Tony Jaffa:

    Another appalling Hill End doctor. Also used to work at the Tavistock Clinic - as did many other Hill End witch doctors.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 09 February, 2014  

  • I would ask that nurse why did you not allow the children to continue their education.Seeing as the majority of young people hid away/put to sleep in the Unit were kept away from education for 3, 6 or more months during their teens - is it any wonder some of them are out of work now - if they were never given the opportunity to catch up?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, 13 February, 2014  

  • @Anon.....they had a little school at Hill End, but it was crap.....even today their abysmal head teacher Mr. Ingham still 'teaches' at Forest House Adolescent Unit (HEAU relocated and renamed)...

    And in any case, how could someone be expected to learn anything when they've been drugged up to the eyeballs? they might as well not have bothered....even though they were required by law to provide 'education' to the patients as we were all under 16....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 14 February, 2014  

  • I remember that little school - that wasn't really a school in the 70s. I was right in the middle of my O levels, and have spent the rest of my life trying to catch up. What a waste of young people's potential :(

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 14 February, 2014  

  • I was also admitted to this hell hole,when I was 14,by social services and my parents,for playing truant from school,I wasn't bad or did any wrong all I got sent there for is not going 2school.this place was hell for me..and still remember the meetings and Dr bruggen..I was thankfully never sedated but remember having to sleep in dormatry s and being woken in the night wiv a torch being shone in my face..I was always a slim girl but wen I was. Eventually aloud a weekend home my mum weighing me and I'd lost so much weight I was only 5stone.I hated being strip searched...does anybody rember me Zoe im35 now

    By Blogger Unknown, at Saturday, 15 March, 2014  

  • I was also admitted to this hell hole,when I was 14,by social services and my parents,for playing truant from school,I wasn't bad or did any wrong all I got sent there for is not going 2school.this place was hell for me..and still remember the meetings and Dr bruggen..I was thankfully never sedated but remember having to sleep in dormatry s and being woken in the night wiv a torch being shone in my face..I was always a slim girl but wen I was. Eventually aloud a weekend home my mum weighing me and I'd lost so much weight I was only 5stone.I hated being strip searched...does anybody rember me Zoe im35 now

    By Blogger Unknown, at Saturday, 15 March, 2014  

  • Would of been around 1992 ..Zoe

    By Blogger Unknown, at Saturday, 15 March, 2014  

  • Zoe - thank you and well done for sharing this. Have a look at a website called needle blog if you want to take what happened to you further. They have contact details of people you can talk to.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 19 March, 2014  

  • You can make a report on Hill End Adolescent Unit and their abusive staff to the Citizens Commission on Human Rights (CCHR):

    The Citizens Commission on Human Rights International is a nonprofit organization whose stated mission is to "eradicate abuses committed under the guise of mental health and enact patient and consumer protections"

    Psychiatric abuse can be in many forms including but not only: physical abuse, sexual abuse, mental and physical torture, forced drugging, enforced incarceration and more.

    If enough of us get on to them, maybe we can get something done about this?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 15 April, 2014  


    By Blogger Unknown, at Wednesday, 23 April, 2014  

  • I was there in 82, and I still struggle to come to terms with it. I still need psychiatric help but cannot maintain any course of therapy or counselling as I feel so much anger and bitterness about the crap we were made to endure. I've read this blog and the comments as well as the needle and all the comments on there. Sickening and depressing that it happened, that it was allowed to happen and that it was so traumatic to so many people. Stay strong, people.

    By Blogger Jim Ellis, at Wednesday, 14 May, 2014  

  • Jim I was there in 82
    I remba staff and inmates
    Names email me

    By Blogger angie mctigue, at Friday, 16 May, 2014  

  • The stories about the Adolescent Unit keep on coming - it was so traumatic for so many people - me included. When is someone like Bruggen going to come forward and explain to us why the staff behaved the way they did - obviously too cowardly - shame on you.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 20 June, 2014  

  • The stories about the adolescent unit keep on coming - it was so traumatic and hateful for so many people. When are some of the staff who worked there going to explain they behaved the way they did - are they just too cowardly - shame on you.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 20 June, 2014  

  • The stories about the adolescent unit keep on coming - it was so traumatic and hateful for so many people. When are some of the staff who worked there going to explain they behaved the way they did - are they just too cowardly - shame on you.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 20 June, 2014  

  • I've spoke to the sun news paper a few days ago and asked them to look at these comments please can everyone else abused ring them ASAP and we can get justice for wot happened

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 06 July, 2014  

  • Hi all,i was at HEAU in early/mid 80s,was a one of two day school pupils at the school(well portacabins).I was sent to the unit as i was classed as a disturbance in main stream schools,i can remember lots of things that gives me shudders and makes the hair stand up on my arms,the "MEETING" circle and whenever i hear the word anxious it brings it all back.I remember loads of names and faces and would love to hear from anyone that was there.My name is Robert Hutchinson,the other day pupil was David Shadbolt,if anyone can contact me on
    many thanks

    By Blogger Unknown, at Thursday, 30 October, 2014  

  • Arrived in this HH in the late 70s at the age 12 sedated within a few days, with threats of injecting me and taking me to the main hospital. And those stupid meetings in a circle which to me seemed to just look for a negative reaction so they could justify sedating you some more.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 04 November, 2014  

  • If you or someone you know experienced sexual abuse while in this or another young people's institution
    have a look at our survivor led group, we hope to make change with your help.

    By Blogger pinkpantha, at Thursday, 01 January, 2015  

  • What is this all about sexual abuse when it sounds like people were physically abused also. Is that not also bad.

    By Blogger trojanhorsegirl, at Friday, 06 February, 2015  

  • Well said Trojan the physical abuse was just as bad in this hell hole

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 03 March, 2015  

  • I just came across Hill End nurse/abuser Stacy Clayton's profile on She's using the name ANASTASIA659. I recognized her straight away. Nothing mentioned about Hill End of course…

    By Anonymous Michael, at Monday, 27 April, 2015  

  • Rik Lambert one of the main ringleaders , uncaring nurse at HEAU who sexually and physically abused children in his care . Rik a sucessful business leader and mentor :-(

    His side kick Elaine Audini very wicked nurse I witnessed her on few occasions assaulting patients in the seclusion and depriving patients from water after coming from sedation. Elaine still works for the NHS as a Manager - Dangerous Abuser.

    By Anonymous HEAU VICTIM, at Tuesday, 28 April, 2015  

  • yeah - Elaine Audini was horrible - and to think she still works in the NHS! What a joke of a system that rewards people like this..

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 29 April, 2015  

  • yes I was 'looked after' by a horrible sadistic violent nurse there in the 70s, and not sure why but I never really got over it. However I don't think it helps to name and shame people in this way. You should get professional advice.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 04 May, 2015  

  • Being a ex mental health nurse at HEAU. I just bemused to see this site is still up? These allegations are totally ridiculous and far fetched. A lot of of the ex service users of HEAU need to remember you was admitted to the unit with severe mental health illness for treatment in a professional environment.

    Colleagues and myself were extremely professional when I worked in the unit in the 90's and transfer over to Forest House. Therapy was offered on a daily basis. Sedation was used in emergency situations for violent situations - Majority of the patients on the ward were violent or self harm.

    Totally understand majority of the patients who were admitted on the unit were victims of society , dumping ground for social services. All these years on inappropriate are still being published on this site . Where is the investigation? To similar high profiles cases? HEAU also help a lot of youngsters not to enter the mental health system and live healthy wholesome lives. Stop blaming the nurses and staff of HEAU/Forest House maybe focus on your parents who was the ones that let you down.

    HEAU was a professional psychiatric unit that dealt with range of conditions from severe eating disorders , self harming , acute mental illness and ADHD etc team by nurses , therapists and doctors.
    I agree the teachers at the unit were useless .. I saw a lot of good work Therapists and Nurses did for the youngster even life saving.

    At the unit majority of the patients were violent , abusive and destructive , sedation and exclusion room is the last resort to make the unit and person safe.. When the unit closed in 1995 and moved over to FOREST HOUSE the sedation policy was changed. I did not agree with the sedation and neither the new consultant who started the unit .

    Staff members - Rik was a good nurse , very professional and it is not fair to throw these allegations at him . I witnessed him delivered good therapeutic work. He is one of the better nurses on the unit. Bemused with all the anger towards him.

    Elaine - Agree she was very difficult and one of the more senior nurses on the ward. Again do it the right way , contact Herts Police and your lawyers.

    By Anonymous EX HEAU NURSE, at Monday, 04 May, 2015  


    Go to hell you lying better hope I don't see any of you people ever again

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 04 May, 2015  

  • The comments by an ex nurse explains a lot. 'Majority of the patients were destructive and violent' if the nurses thought this in the 70s no wonder they were so violent themselves. How judgemental and so totally unfair! No wonder I didn't stand a chance against them. I can only hope that the treatment of young people with problems has moved on.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 04 May, 2015  

  • @ex nurse

    Your joking right I was there in the 90s admitted by social services as I kept getting kicked out of school I spent 12 weeks there for an assesment I was drugged most days the first time being 20 mins after I arrived there and the reason was I cried as I was terrified and u dragged me into a room and put me to sleep I was never aggressive until I had been there 4 weeks and I refused to drink the sedation and found myself defending myself while u lot were being aggressive putting needles in me I'll tell u something prick I left there and never had any further contact with mental health service so I didn't have an issue yet u drugged me time and time again I have a good job I earn more than you will ever earn I'm telling u I would love to see u all again as in a man now and I'll make u cry like u did me so don't start defending yourself

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 05 May, 2015  

  • Again. All this hostility and threats on this site is clear majority of you were mentally unwell and disturbed when patients at HEAU. I am just bemused this is still up . Why don't you go to the press or Herts police for a through investigation ? Instead of ranting and raving on this site. HEAU/Forest House is a professional unit with a team of skilled nurses, therapists and doctors. Majority of our ex patients are living healthy and wholesome lives, never been in contact with mental health services. Get off your soap box and stop blaming society or the unit for your mental health problems . Blame your parents who the ones who did not nurture and failed you as adults.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 22 May, 2015  

  • Just to respond, while I totally agree ranting is a waste of time. There were clearly problems at this institution but I don't think the press or police are interested. They weren't interested in any of the abuse cases, that have come out in the media recently either so why would they be. While I don't want to trade insults, I really have concerns about the mental health of a 'mental health nurse' who would bother to come on this blog and maybe think you should leave it alone.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 26 May, 2015  





    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Friday, 14 August, 2015  

  • How dare some one say it was an end of the road establishment
    I was 13 and was abused by my father who got 16yrs I wasnt a delinquent adolescent as they label children all I was was abused serverely and then social services got involved and in their infinate wisdom they sent me there but then I was abused some more by certain staff also if I didnt let them man who I was terrified of massage me in a group pink matrasses on floor in room and a thng they called logs all kids lay down and one child at one end roll over all the rest and the massage thing we'd get injected with and then made to do it out of me head Dr bregen wlygactolbregen miss leese another tom mac kneenee
    was another member of staff that was abusive to kids who were already messed up for one reason or another I was terrified there id have rather stayed with abusive father nd that say something to the person who talking about compo put me on that list

    By Blogger Unknown, at Tuesday, 13 October, 2015  

  • Dont know if I done this coment buisness right hope so is there any law suits out there against hospital well I say hospital but it wasnt there to make people better just so Dr Bruggen to practice his warped mind and doddgy medical practisess and inappropriate use meds and neddles which incidently was the first time id been given any sort of drug thanks to social services placeing me there with bruggen wh said to me the first tie I met him a messed up abused physically mentally little girl he said you enjoyed what your father done to you that was my intrduction to MRBRUGGEN I have a wittnes to this comment to my uncle anyway pls let me know if ive reached out and touched somebodys comp

    By Blogger Unknown, at Tuesday, 13 October, 2015  

  • Hi Teresa - if you have a look at the needleblog there is a copy of a video made about the 'massage room' you mentioned. I had similar experiences to you in the 70s.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 13 October, 2015  

  • I am reflecting on this Hill End experience again even though it happened back in the 1970s and I am now in my 50s!! I think it changed my life, and not for the better I wasn't the same girl afterwards - quite broken really. I can't believe the comments of the staff member, it can't be right to physically abuse and drug children! Such people cannot have any insight or must be in complete denial. They completely disregarded the humanity and dignity of the children in their care.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 21 December, 2015  

  • Hi all
    I was a nurse at Hill End in 1993. I only stayed for a matter of weeks however as I did not fit in with the place. I thought it was run like some kind of bizarre cult and and I did not feel the place to be therapeutic at all. I think there were some good nurses there but also some that I would not want looking after my kids. I have to say I did not witness any abuse but then I was only there for a blink of an eye. That being said however I think the responses that have been posted by so called nurses responding to the posted experiences of some of the children (now of course adults) to be pretty disgraceful. I think if so many people are posting similar experiences then they should be taken seriously and not ridiculed. To those of you as former patients who have posted on this site I can only apologise for some of the comments left by former staff which I appreciate will not mean much to you now. I was pretty heartbroken by some of your reported experiences.
    I hope you have taken some professional advice on how you might pursue this further.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 11 July, 2016  

  • I am so completely disgusted by the comments made by ex staff there above. I was sent to Hill end as I took an overdose to escape my alcoholic mother. I have never been violent and wasnt at the time. I have never been in trouble with the police and have never needed to access mental health services. I am now a qualified medical professional. So, stop with your patronising hints that everyone posting must be mentally ill. A girl I was there with had been sent there because her parents had caught her having sex with her boyfriend.
    It was an abusive place, sedation was used instead of care. And, as an 11 year old girl, I was regularly strip searched and cavity searched by male staff. How was that treatment for mental health issues?? I didn't smoke or take drugs, so what were they searching for. The fact that some of the people posting here may be angry and not as articulate as you, does not give you the right to be insulting. If all patients are saying it, how is it slander? Isn't that what so many of the people who are being prosecuted for child abuse are saying? "They're damaged kids so they're making it up". You can tell yourself all the lies in the world to justify your actions. You will still be wrong, I hope your dismissiveness of other peoples suffering haunts your dreams.

    How dare you imply that the treatment there was the only option. The only aggression I ever saw during my stay was from staff. I was pinned down for sedation by male staff and physically hurt regularly.

    I can't describe how offensive your comments are and how deluded you still are about you and your staffs actions.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 18 September, 2016  

  • As a former patient in around the 1993 I want to say that I have found this thread very useful, along with others I have read.
    It's important that people have a place to come together and share their traumatic experiences, a place where they are understood, believed and respected.
    Given what happened there, it's little surprise that some staff would wish to contribute negatively with disrespectful and inflammatory remarks. Sadly some of us fell for it, took the bait and retaliated. I'm sure that was their aim. They always knew how to work us up and then punish us for it. Nothing more than their good old mind games.
    When I discovered others had experienced similar over a great many years, I was deeply saddened, but I am hopeful that in speaking out, such practices will come to end. I am a great believer in the truth finding it's way to the surface. It may not do so for many years, but it will.
    To the ex staff member who posted in July 2016 having worked there for a shot time in 1993, I thank you for your words. While some of the staff have taken the opportunity to cause further distress to the people they have already harmed, you have come forward with true positive support for the patients there and I'm glad that you escaped the clutches of that terrible place. I'm sure many a good nurse has been sucked in and eventually embraced their abusive ways.

    By Blogger Unknown, at Wednesday, 07 December, 2016  

  • I'm sorry but what vyou are saying is utter rubbish as you well know. The staff at this place were pure evil. None of us deserved what you staff did to us. I promise I Will bring you all to Justice

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 07 December, 2016  

  • Hill End Nurse, you are a disgusting excuse for a human being.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 07 December, 2016  

  • I think the comments on the 'out of site out of mind' website about the adolescent unit have now disappeared! Funny that

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, 02 March, 2017  

  • all ex patients please go to needle blog hill end for updates

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 08 March, 2017  

  • Hi all
    I think it would be a good idea to have this on a Facebook page. As this site is not easily accessible or easy to find. It's only when an e mail gets posted that it reminds us of this. Most of us have fb these days and I personally think it would make us all come together a lot quicker and easier.

    By Blogger Lisa, at Wednesday, 08 March, 2017  

  • please look at needleblog update lawyer email

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Saturday, 11 March, 2017  

  • Where do we find the needle blog again there's to many blogs to keep track of where everyone is and where best to comment. Is there somewhere easier we can all go to meet in one group

    By Blogger Lisa, at Saturday, 11 March, 2017  

  • The problem is who are you looking to sue? The NHS the local authority. The individual who treated me badly in the unit is i think dead now. It's difficult too when so many records have been destroyed. How dare they destroy peoples health records!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 20 March, 2017  

  • i was also at this shit hole, and I got sedated many times, once because they didn't like my t shirt and refused to change it, I also remember being forced to drink complan when you come round, the sad this is for most of us who were in there this place wasn't the worse experience of our childhood, i was also sedated for taking part in a so called workshop upstairs in a room just of the boys dorm.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 03 April, 2017  

  • If someone here is interested in making music can share this source

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Saturday, 28 October, 2017  


    By Blogger Unknown, at Sunday, 12 November, 2017  


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 13 November, 2017  

  • A major police investigation has been launched into abuse at Hill End Adolescent Unit. It is called Operation Meadow as you may already know. It will not succeed unless all former adolescents complain about the physical, emotional or sexual abuse they suffered there. The telephone number for Hertfordshire Police is 01707355011. Please contact them and ask to speak to the investigating team. This is probably your only chance to see justice served.

    By Blogger Unknown, at Saturday, 03 February, 2018  

  • As a former Nurse at the Adolescent Unit I am embarrassed by the statements of former colleagues condoning what went on. Being sedated for smiling, farting, hitting a ping pong ball too hard, refusing to change a tee shirt are just many of the reasons I have read here.
    They are absolutely true and are totally indefensible. To sedate someone the legal requirement is that it is "necessary and proportionate". If the action of a Nurse or other did not meet these grounds any action they took thereafter would be considered abuse. Nurses claims that there actions were legal would not hold up in a court of law.

    The Adoleescent unit certainly wasnt a place of tranquility. It was a place of abuse and torture of young adolescents. The main blame lies with Peter Bruggen as he instigated the barbaric regime.

    Operation Meadow is now in full swing. Just remember that Nurses have gone to jail for past abuses so finally those Nurses who are found to have been involved in abuse at Hill End may end up in prison.
    Contact Operation Meadow if you were a victim.

    I can see from the postings here that former Nurses see the young people in their care in an appallingly derogatory manner. In doing so they negate their professionalism. I only saw young people with problems being treated in the most appalling manner.

    Someone suggested that it was the same in the hospital itself. It wasnt, you couldnt treat older patients in the way adolescents were. For example if you sedated an adult Patient for farting (see former post) you would be reported by your colleagues, arrested and struck off the nursing register.

    Please dont complain anymore just contact Operation Meadow and tell them of the abuse that you suffered at Adolescent Unit. Then let the law decide whether it constituted the most appalling abuse or not..

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, 06 February, 2018  

  • It is taking evidence on “the extent to which institutions have failed to protect children from sexual abuse” in councils, the police, armed forces, schools, hospitals, children’s homes, charities, religious groups and other public services.

    Anyone with information for Operation Meadow is asked to call police on 101, visit the dedicated website or contact Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.”

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 07 February, 2018  

  • I am collecting information for the forthcoming Court Cases stemming from Operation Meadow. Please for those reading this blog can you forward some specifics on your sedation including reason for and types of medication used and also if you were given a choice. This will usually be Chlorpromazine injected or Chloryl Hydrate given orally.

    For example :-

    Dave, talking too loud, injected with Chlorpromazine. No choice given.

    If you are female and were injected can you say whether you were held down or injected by male staff.

    I am particularly keen to hear from a female contributor who said she was sedated for being silent. Was this by injection or oral medication. Were male staff involved.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wednesday, 07 February, 2018  

  • Apologies re obvious omission in previous post. Please post responses to sedation questions to

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, 08 February, 2018  

  • This is my final comment to this post and it is a word of advice to all. Operation Meadow is now in full swing. The claims and counter claims need to stop. It is important not to contact or discuss the matter with others (Collusion ). For former Adolescents contact a Solicitor, Operation Meadow or Crimestoppers. For Former Nurses you may wish to contact a Solicitor, your professional body or wait for that knock on the door.

    By Anonymous John Dickinson former RMN, at Sunday, 11 February, 2018  

  • I was the girl in white the trousers in the film made about hill end . I was there around 1978. I agree with all the comments about hill end the abuse and the sedation. I was in there because I could not cope with the death of my mother at 9 years old . I went to stay with family and was being sexually abused. I was not crazy but I was put in hill end ��

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 21 October, 2018  

  • HILL END - Angela

    If you didn’t take the liquid you would then be injected. I cannot tell you how many times i was sedated/injected. All I know and can confirm we as kids were abused by dysfunctional narcissistic staff members who called themselves nurses employed by the NHS. In my opinion it was more like a cult. I was there for 6 months and what I witnessed and the things I went through were horrendous. I'm 55 and my life is completely messed up. I blame the NHS

    There was a time when I didn’t have a period for quite a while and I thought I might be pregnant but could’nt understand how that could be possible because I was a virgin. I told Hill End that I haven’t had a period and thought that I might be pregnant and they told me that I was having a phantom pregnancy. Up to this day I still wonder whether I was raped fell pregnant and was the baby terminated’. This really haunts me.

    The day of

    Every Thursday we received pocket money and the only place we could spend was in the actual mental hospital. Every Thursday we woud walk over to the hospital and believe you me that hospital stunk and I will never forget that smell. Whenever Ive gone to hospital it almost like I have a phobia.

    I have never been counselling because I feared the NHS and was just too terrified of being sectioned. This has left me with no confidence, low self esteem drink problem and trust issues. I couldn’t find a job because I was a total mess. I ended up getting into trouble a few times with the police for stealing.

    Later in my adulthood I managed to get low paid jobs, but due to my alcohol intake I could never keep my jobs and were eventually sacked.

    I wanted to be in a position and put a stop to the NHS abusing children again so decided that if i did a BSc Psychology Degree I would be in a position of authority and would be able to assist from this kind of abuse happening again, but the fact that I had no qualifications I was told that I would first need to do an access course. I did the access course and passed. I then started my BSc Pyshology degree. In my first year my overall marks where between 53-61, in my second year my overall marks were between 53-66. In my third year my marks started going down I then decided not to continue with my third year and decided to take that year out and start again the folloiwng year but and sadly I never went back. It was just all too painful.

    By Blogger Unknown, at Monday, 17 December, 2018  

  • Angela

    I forgot to mention that at the time I was admitted I was 13 years I was admitted there 2.30am 11th November 1976. I was admitted there by Kensington and Chelsea social services. The reason why I was admitted was because my behaviour was supposedly spiralling down hill and a particular staff member who worked at my children's home apparently found my behaviour challenging and so reported me to Kensington and Chelsea Social Services. I am still so angry

    By Blogger Unknown, at Monday, 17 December, 2018  

  • Are you aware ov Opperation meadow

    By Blogger Andy mitchell, at Tuesday, 29 January, 2019  

  • Anyone who feels able please contact Operation Meadow and support the brave people who have done so already

    By Blogger Unknown, at Friday, 08 February, 2019  

  • Fuck off caring my arse they killed me there my dreams dissapped forever can Never forget sickos

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sunday, 07 April, 2019  

  • My heart goes out to you
    Horrible place

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, 20 June, 2019  

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    By Blogger Joe, at Tuesday, 27 August, 2019  

  • I have recently started leaving comments on needle blog, I have just reported a case of abuse to operation meadow? I am a carer,appointed by the high court and my friend that I care for was at hiil end in the mid eighties. I am determined to do my utmost to get justice for the victims whose lives have been totally destroyed by these people.Please come forward if you are a victim, someone out there must have guilt because of their actions, it just needs one brave person to break their silence to get the ball rolling.This is the biggest case of abuse this country has ever seen. It cannot be ignored.

    By Anonymous Judith Raudies, at Tuesday, 10 December, 2019  

  • Following up on information I have come across today in relation to my brother who was admitted in 1979 and who has sadly passed away a number of years ago, potentially due to what happened during his time there. He played a major role in the Horizon Touch of Sensitivity documentary and I just wanted to comment to say...My heart goes out to all of you who had to endure this sadness. X

    By Blogger DeeJay M, at Sunday, 05 January, 2020  

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